I’ll be honest, I never completed any tertiary education. The only study I finished was a Certificate III in Makeup - and I did it mainly to learn about basic makeup skills. Not to have a career in makeup at all. Completing university was really stressful for me - I attempted Nursing, Linguistics, Korean, Photography and Fashion Design (not really in that order) and I don’t have any degree until my belt. Here are three things I wish I knew about University before attending it:

Understand that she has moments of insecurity, and she’s not always confident. Understand that you have to be really patient with her and her Bipolar. Especially during her bad days. She needs you to tell her that she matters. That she is worthy. She is worthy of your love. Embrace all her insecurities and vulnerabilities.

“My name is Suzanne and I’m a mental health blogger. I openly share my journey of being diagnosed with Bipolar. I started my blog in 2013 and I didn’t find my niche in blogging for mental health until a couple of years later.”

“One thing that has tremendously helped me over the years is finding the right therapist for me. It’s so important I’m comfortable with the therapist as I will be sharing very personal things with him/her. So how do I know the therapist is right for me? I would choose a therapist based on these factors:”

“Dear 14-Year-Old Suzanne,

You got used to putting on a fake smile even though you were hurting inside.

You told people you were okay and strong even though you weren’t coping.”

“I had someone mentioned to me the other day that I get paid to recover. I have a package from the NDIS, and through that my exercise physiology classes are all paid for. All my therapy sessions are all paid for as well (They are $200 per session) “

In my previous posts, I talked about recognising my warning signs, and what I can also do about it. But what happens if I don’t recognise my warning signs?

So in my previous post, My Warnings Signs When I’m Getting Unwell", I mentioned some warnings signs that I’m getting unwell - which includes change of sleeping pattern, racing thoughts, hearing voices and increased spending on money. Now that I recognise my warning signs, what do I do to help “flatten the curve”?

Part of my recovery journey is to recognise when I’m getting unwell - more specifically recognising the warnings signs that makes me unwell. So how do I know when I’m getting unwell?

If only you knew you had a beautiful smile, even though your friends back then said they were crooked, and you believed so.

If only you knew then that every time you cried and had a breakdown cause you felt you weren’t good enough, would shape who you are the woman today.

You don’t know how much your words give her hope that someone truly accepts her for who she is.

You don’t know how much the words, “Your past is the past. I want to know who you are today.” means to her.

You give her hope that someone actually cares about her.

I become anxious when I have to deliver a speech, meeting with new people, and sometimes seeing a new doctor and talking about my past hurt and trauma. I am scared I might be misunderstood at times by the doctor, and sometimes when my anxiety is at its peak, I may not be understood in the right ways. The fear is so great. I found some ways to overcoming my anxiety:

If there's one thing I learnt about my mental health journey and recovery, is that there is no perfect medication, no perfect hospital system, and no perfect support network. Over the years I have tried a lot of medications, trialled different support networks - whether that's in art, or changing the treatment team. I learnt through all these constant changes that it doesn't help to be perfect, but more importantly, being brave in all these situations.

In my previous post, I talked about How The NDIS Changed My Life - but in this post I want to specifically address How Clozapine Changed My Life.
Clozapine is "a medication used to treat certain mental/mood disorders (schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorders)." ~ Webmdx

I have been on this powerful medication, if I remember right, almost over two years now. I have greatly benefited from this medication, in combination with my Abilify monthly injection as well. The combination works for me.

I am one of the lucky ones who have received a really good package out of the NDIS and I am plan-managed and not NDIA-managed. I have had an immense amount of support throughout these two years of receiving the NDIS package. It has changed my life, and here I list why:

Today is 30 December 2019, and as I'm reflecting on what a great year it has been for me, I am also excited about what 2020 will have installed for me. I have improved and recovering from my mental health issues, and tackling each issue at a time. I want to share why 2019 was the best year of my twenties with you:

Love is difficult for you to explain. And because you have been through the form of abusive love, you have to be careful how you give your heart and love to people.

Spending over a year and a bit in a mental health rehabilitation place were probably the best and worst times of my life. During my stay at rehab, I heard voices and had a lengthy one or two hospital admissions. I was depressed and was suicidal as well. Also during this time, I learnt to cook, clean, do budgeting, and maintain my mental and emotional health. I learnt and studied all the DBT skills and as well as applying it into my life. My wonderful doctors and nurses at rehab were very understanding and kind. I couldn't have any better mental health care team. 

You are stronger than you think.

Remember the time you had a car accident, it was all your fault and you told yourself you don't deserve to drive again because you are an unsafe driver?

Do you remember the time he broke your heart and you told yourself you never open yourself to anyone ever again?