A Tale To Tell: Bipolar And Friendships

Photo by Uli Klein

Friendship breakups is as bad as romantic breakups.
Over the years, as a person who’s been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type I; I found myself not being the ‘best’ friend I could be.
I asked some of my friends if I could borrow money - for things that I didn’t need. When these particular friends asked why I wanted the money, I didn’t have an appropriate answer.
But, in fact, I was going through mania (as part of Bipolar), and found myself spending more money on things I didn’t need and I had to ride the mania.
At the time, I didn’t have good awareness with my Bipolar.
I’ve had friends who cut me off.
For some friendships, I was devastated and didn’t know how to apologise.
I still think about some of these friends who I ‘lost’.
But you know, I learnt that in life, when friendships fall out- that IS okay.
It’s OK when not all friendships work out.
Sometimes I feel having Bipolar makes me more difficult to love because I 'feel different’.
But through the many many friendships I’ve gone through, I just need 2-3 good friends who would like to stay.
And I do have these key people.
I may have over 1000 Facebook friends, but not everyone is a ‘real’ and ‘authentic’ friend - and that’s totally OK.
But yeah, lots of acquaintances on Facebook.
Through my friendship breakups, I also learnt how to show my love.
I want to be a good friend.
And I try my best to keep the friendship’s fire going.
Whether that’s calling up the hospital to find where my friend was in hospital, and I didn’t let this friend know, I showed up to her hospital bed to visit her.
Or sometimes when I see a friend posts about she’s sick, I rock up to her doorstep with some congee and ginger - I do this without asking the friend if she needs it.
So yes, I feel through many fallouts, I learnt to love and show love differently to friends.
Again, if I was to die tomorrow, I want to be known as the friend who gave herself to others without expecting much back.